And just like that, it’s over.

I was about to sit down and work on one of my books, (yes, I write books. I’ll leave a link below.)

Oh, my, my, my, the Lord sure teaches me so many practical lessons. I just finished writing this post and clicked on another page without saving all that I wrote and—Poof—it's gone—just like that! I think God also has a very rich sense of humor.

I was writing about how later in the day yesterday after the eclipse, it felt as though nothing had happened. There was so much hype around the event then it lasted only a few minutes and it was all over. Everyone went back to their lives I’m sure just as I did.

Later that night it felt strange that the sun had come back out, and life went back to normal just as though nothing had happened. I have a very grainy picture in my Gallery but other than that there was not one slight difference in the rest of my day. I knew I’d experienced a phenomenon and could now say that I had witnessed an eclipse but that was it. I’m sure all the scientists in the world would beg to differ. I’m sure they have a whole pack of evidence that they are pouring over today.

My other point that I so carelessly deleted, was that I’m not good at waiting. I’m quite bad at it. Today as I sat down to write I was a bit anxious and even might add, sad. I’m not sure why. I’m waiting for a new part of my life to come but today I'm on the waiting side of it.

Unlike the eclipse, I do have a whole lot of evidence about the things that God has changed in my life. I know that I am not the same person. I know that there are things that I don’t think or do anymore. I know that I waited on the changes and one day I turned the corner, and everything became new.

The same thing is going to happen with what I'm waiting on today. One day I’ll say, “And just like that, it's over.” There is nothing like answers to prayer. The time praying is often long and can even add some sad days, but when that answer comes—Hallelujah!

Just like this post today, I spent time writing it, and then just like that it was gone, and I had to decide if I’d forget it and go write something else or discipline myself to not give up and start over. As you can see I chose the latter. That’s one of those things that’s not easy for me. But I’m growing every day in the Lord. I love when there's evidence that I can see of changes in my life. When some of the things that used to bring my life to a standstill are no longer a part of my life—that’s a reason to rejoice!

I hope that as you read my simple blog posts you will find something encouraging to take with you into your life. And even more importantly anything bothering you right now, know that one day you will also be able to say, “And just like that, it’s over.”

I bless you.

Here is the link on Amazon, I’d appreciate it if you took a look at all my books. I’d appreciate it even more if one of them catches your eye and you purchase it.

https://www.amazon.com/Making-Dexter-Bridgestokes-Bequeath-ebook/dp/B0CSXGMNCZ

 

 A need to stop beating a dead horse and the big - BUT.

How often have you had something stuck in your mind? Sometimes I wake up with a word or thought on my mind and it hounds me until I sit down and think about what’s going on with me. That's what I'm doing now.

One of my faults is always thinking that I’m the only one with what I struggle with. I have very little interaction with people daily right now, (I hope that will change soon.) So naturally it's more likely that I deal with myself and myself as confidants.

Let’s start with the phrase, stop beating a dead horse. You’d think that action wouldn’t need any encouragement at all. Who in their right mind would keep beating a dead horse expecting it to get up?

We might not be actually beating a horse, but if you are like me and I’m going to believe that you are, we do this. Sometimes it’s like a broken record. And while I’m at it, they say that doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is insanity. Now most of us are not really insane as the definition of insanity suggests but I think a lot more people than would admit—follow this pattern in their life.

I added in the BUT, because there is always one. My, BUT is, when I keep beating a mental dead horse, I know better. BUT thank the Good Lord that I finally do sit down and deal with whatever it is that is creating all those mental flies in my life. And we all know what draws flies—garbage.

There are so many things that people struggle with, whether of their own making or by others that are completely unnecessary. If it is just my own shortcomings that I’m being convicted about to either start to do better or stop doing altogether, then that’s the easier of two. BUT what is genuinely crazy, is trying to get someone else to change. Yes, dear reader, let’s have a time of confession before we continue. That’s something I do think I’m not the only one who does it.

How many times have you asked someone to stop doing something or to PLEASE do something? If you are like me you walk off more frustrated after encountering these individuals than you were to begin with.

So let’s go back to that picture of someone beating a dead horse. They can beat it until they fall over and join the horse, and NOTHING is going to change; other than both are now dead. That horse is not going to get up. As bystanders, we could all see that the person doing the beating has a problem—not the horse. It’s dead.

So why do we as humans do this? I have to ask myself during one of my self-conversations, “Why am I going over this same ground every day?”

I can give me, myself, and I some grace because I don’t do it as often or as long anymore. Maybe it's getting older and just not having the mental or physical strength to keep beating a dead horse situation. The other thing that I think helps is running out of time.

Boy, oh boy, if I had all the time back that I spent fuming over my own shortcomings or those of someone else, I’d have many more years of life added to me. But sadly we can’t get back those years that we wish we hadn’t given so many of them to beating dead horses.

That good old—hindsight- is another part of this posting. Can’t we all look back to some time in our lives and wish that we had done things differently?

As I write I see this common boat filling up with other people who just might have some of the same issues I struggle with. I am not the only one. Thankfully there is a boat that we can all get into when our Titanic begins to sink.  

Maybe my honesty is a fault, but I’d rather be honest than be the opposite. Some people are so closed off that you never know what they are thinking. What a merry-go-round of emotions we can get caught up in if we are not careful.

BUT, hear is the glorious silver lining, knowing the Lord. I know that there is help for me. I know that I don’t have to struggle with my problems alone. I might never understand the reasons why things happen or what people do that I can’t change, but I do know this—having the Lord in my life is the most important part of my life.

So today, I’m going to walk away from one of my dead horses and get on with something more productive. And I am the only one who can make the changes in my life with God's help. That might be the first dead horse you are beating. If you got up today trying to deal with all your problems alone and God isn't a source you believe in, stop reading right here and give God room to speak to you. 

We are only given one life to deal with. It’s not up to us to try and change another person or ourselves—only God can do that. When I woke up today with my current issues already racing across my mind, I came here to make this post. I know what to do today. I know where to go for the help I need in my life to change these old mental habits. I have no one to blame but me, myself, and I if I continue to get out my whip and beat my dead horse.

I hope my being honest helps any reader in some small way. If nothing else, if the main horse you are beating is that you think that you are the only one, let me assure you that you are not. In assuring you, I’m assuring myself.

We are not the only ones.

I bless you.

Sometimes you just don’t have time.

I certainly am not knowledgeable about all the Jewish traditions during this month. If I had been born into a Jewish family I would have been taught from a young child to understand exactly what all the practices mean. I’m an adopted child of God; and so very thankful for my gift of salvation. But I’m privileged to read about the significance of the Passover documented in the Bible in Exodus 12.

As I was enjoying my time this morning beginning my prayers with the instruction when we come to pray, is to first pray for all those in authority (1 Timothy 2: 1-3) and (Psalm 122:6 ) Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.

My mind began to drift, as it often does, which I hate, so when the picture of how the Israelites were supposed to eat the Passover meal was described in detail along with how the meal was to be prepared I began to think about these things.

I love to cook. I’m a novice bread maker. I’ve tried my hand at making yeast bread several times. I could eat yeast bread every day, all day if possible. I recently went on Keto and if you know anything about Keto—bread is a no-no unless you use different flour. (I digress.)

See how my mind drifts? My point is, I wondered why they were instructed not to use any yeast. Again, please anyone reading this who has a much better handle on the tradition, forgive my lack of knowledge.

What came to my mind as to why the lack of yeast was stated was that it takes time for bread to rise when it has yeast in it. Usually, an hour or so and then a second rise time. Everything in the 12th chapter of Exodus lends itself to being prepared for a quick exit.

My mind also drifted over to the latest news about the Baltimore Bridge accident and the loss of lives. I kept trying to bring my mind back to some sort of order of thought but in some way, it all began to come together.

As I prayed for the individuals lost in this accident, probably like most of us I couldn’t help but think that these men had absolutely no idea that anything of this magnitude would happen to them as they headed to their jobs. Then I thought about the time it takes for yeast to rise or other things that sometimes take the time that we don’t have.

The Israelites didn’t have time for bread to rise. They needed bread that could also be carried without spoilage I assume. I don’t know of any person who hasn’t at some time in their life needed more time. It’s said that time is one of the things we’ll never have enough of or ever get back.

As I have gotten older that has become more evident to me every day. I spent a lot of my time on things that didn’t really matter. Time, that now I wish I had back. One thing that time hopefully gives each of us is wisdom. Sometimes it’s too little too late. And sadly we do finally wise up but have run out of time. No one knows exactly when that time will be. As we see, we can be going about the most common everyday activity and have no idea that time is about to run out.

When I sat and gathered all the threads of my thoughts today I paused to take the time to be thankful for everything in my life. I always try to do this because when I compare my life to that of others; I have nothing to be unthankful about. I am a blessed person.

When I went through a health problem over a year ago and the pace of my life came to a halt by the interruption, I remember saying to myself and others, that when this time of my life was over I would appreciate the return to even the smallest routine of my day and take nothing for granted. I saw other people who were walking the same path as I was who had different outcomes. Sitting in a waiting room you hear conversations of all types. The ones that were hardest to listen to were people complaining about such insignificant things when there were people who would have given anything to have their everyday routine back.

This post might have felt all over the place, so I’ll try to tie it together with the pictures in my mind. I saw the Israelites, clothed, and packed, standing as they had been instructed in preparation for the journey ahead of them. Laying aside anything that would take more time than they had to prepare. I saw images of people who have had to recently flee their homes, usually with nothing but clothes on their backs because of weather or other sudden events in my area. I looked at my own life and took stock of what could be considered—yeast.

I’m prepared to grab a suitcase that contains all my important papers, a set of clothing, extra medications, a cherished Bible, and money if the fire alarm goes off in my senior apartment building. But the most important event that I am prepared for is when my time runs out; I’ve already made that preparation, and there will be nothing I have to grab.

One final thought; never ignore the urgencies in life. Those thoughts that interrupt your day that later on you wish that you hadn’t ignored.

I hope that you will take some of the time you have right now to read Matthew chapter 24 very thoughtfully. Maybe it's things that you already know and will be blessed by the reminder or maybe it will be the first time you have taken the time to do so.

I pray that what you have read here will cause you to “drift” off from your thoughts to something you didn’t expect to think about today that will change your life.

I bless you.

When everything looks hopeless.

When I decided on this title I thought of how many other things I have read over the years with this same first line. Hundreds, probably thousands. Because I was attracted to anything that might lead me to an answer for my own hopelessness.

I read these articles like a starving person. Would this be the one that finally caused me to believe in life again? Would I find that keyword or phrase or five or ten-step plan to follow to lift my life out of the daily despair I fought with all my might?

Sometimes it worked for a little while but then it was like trying to walk in someone else’s shoes. I had two problems, the hopelessness I started with, and now I failed yet again to be able to do what the author had obviously been able to accomplish in their life. So much so that they felt led to write about it for others to read.

So I have to ask myself, do I have anything different to offer someone who might stumble upon this page who went searching as I did for a solution that would lift them permanently out of the pit of hopelessness?

I don’t know if what I’ll write here under that popular title will be what you came looking for. That’s my most honest answer. I never did find a solution. Believe me when I say that I earnestly searched for one. It would have been so much easier if someone could have just handed me a set of steps to take. I’d have done it in a heartbeat.

I remember reading some of those articles with tears running down my face. I repeated aloud many times, “How! How do these people do this?!”  I thought I had carefully noted every bit of advice they gave and rose up just knowing that this time I was going to be victorious—until the next time.

If my title led you here, as it often did me in search of that—fix—I’m so sorry if my title has given you false hope. But I can offer you something else. It might not be the answer you are looking for. It wasn’t for me either when God led me to befriend a woman who wanted me to do her hair as my last customer on a Friday night.

I almost said, no. It meant having to wait for her to arrive around 5:30 and then not finishing up my day until probably 7 o'clock or so. I had a young son that needed to be picked up by 5 o'clock or I would be charged more. So my thoughts were, would what I made by staying to do this woman’s hair offset the extra babysitting cost? If not, then why do it?

At that time I had no idea what made me say yes, come on, I’ll wait on you. Today, I know exactly not what but Who moved me to agree to stay late.

That night a friendship began and after watching her life for about a year, I found the answer to my hopelessness. And because I try very hard to be honest with any reader, I’ll tell you what she said to me when I asked her why she was so happy all the time. She proceeded to say, “Because I have a hotline to heaven.”

My very first thought was, and again I make no apology for my honesty because you might have the same thought after you read my response. I said, “Oh, please don’t tell me that it’s religion.”

She said, “No, not religion.”

I said, “Then, what? What are you talking about?”

She said, “I have, Jesus.”

I wish you could have heard the groan that came out of me when I heard her final response. I went home that night to have my own debate. I did this because at that time I had no idea about the Trinity of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. All I knew was there was a God somewhere. I did give myself credit for not being totally ignorant.

With respect to your time and length of this posting, I’ll try to be brief. I spent the next week going back to her over and over again, sometimes in a heated confrontation, demanding she tell me something different as to why she was so happy all the time and I was a miserable mess. Her, Jesus, was all she kept offering me. She gave me a brief description of what I needed to do to be saved and that ended our conversation.

I wrestled with this for several days until one night I sat upright in my bed and yelled out, “Ok! Ok! God, if you are real and you are the one who has been bringing all this to a head, I can’t take it anymore!”

I had been under such conviction that even to this day I have never forgotten what I felt like that night. I had absolutely no idea exactly who God was, what He was about to do, or even if what I said would be the right words. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, “God, if I give you my life I have two requests. I have to know that the buck stops with you; that no one will ever be able to change your mind about me. That I can trust you and that you will never leave me.”

I didn’t really know that night just how Biblical my first prayer was. My heart was crying out for someone I could trust who would always have the final say about me and that they would never leave me or as I later learned—never forsake me. Even right now, my heart swells remembering how utterly forsaken I felt that night. I voiced my confession of needing Jesus to forgive me and accepted his death in my place. 

I don’t want to put words in your mouth, dear reader. And I don’t want to give you false hope. If all I can offer you is some process I took, then that isn’t going to help you. So I’ll give you what did help me.

The surrendering of my life to a God I couldn’t see, didn’t even know at the time if He was listening or would do what my friend said that He did for her. But, seconds after I uttered my first prayer to God, my eyes were opened. I understood for myself at that moment what my friend had been telling me was true.

Something wonderfully, explicitly, and unexplainable happened that night. It was as if my whole life lifted off me and I was born all over again. Yes, the term born again is actually what happens.

In closing, I went to my friend’s house the next night and asked her, “What does it feel like to become a Christian? I’m not sure, but I think I became a Christian last night.” Needless to say, tears filled her eyes, and she welcomed me into the family.

Well, dear reader, here it is almost Easter again. The world will display its bright baskets, chocolate rabbits, and colored eggs, and the Bunny will take center stage. We see it every year. You can accept this as the reason for Easter, load up on all the leftover candy sales, and go another year still hunting for the solution to your feeling of hopelessness—or maybe stop and ask the same questions I did.

If one word you read here has set something off in you that will make you so uncomfortable until you face the fact that it is God knocking on your heart asking to come in, then I have done my job.

Dear, dear, reader, I pray that you don’t go another second in your hopelessness. So I’ll offer you the only solution that I know. The same one that has been offered to the world since the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Perhaps at some other time in your life, you have heard these verses, and I’ll remind you of them again.

John 3: 16-18 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

This is Easter.

This is the answer; When everything looks hopeless.

I bless you.

 

 Who would do such a thing to a child?

Matthew 19: 14 But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and don’t prevent them. For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Once there was a man who always wanted a racehorse. One day, quite out of chance he was given one. But it didn’t look like the one he had wanted. He was now forced to feed and take care of this less-than-desirable horse. For some reason, the horse loved the man. So it trotted around trying to get the man’s attention. Day after day this horse, tried to run as fast as it could to please the man.

Once in a while, the man stood at the fence watching the horse run with all its heart, but when the horse came over to where the man stood, the man criticized the horse. You need to bend your knees higher. You're not stretching your legs out far enough. Over and over the man only told the horse what it wasn’t doing right. No matter how much the horse tried, it was never enough. Years went by and after a while, the horse finally lost all desire to please the man and ran away; never to see the man again.

But the man had damaged the horse's ability to believe in himself so much that all through the rest of the horse's life he felt that any time he tried to run fast, he’d fail.

One day, as the horse was plodding along in life, another man saw him and stopped to look at the horse. This man knew that the horse was meant to be a racehorse. So this man bought the horse and took it home to care for it.

Every day, he encouraged the horse to do his best. He gave the horse short distances to run at first until the horse could begin to see that it still could run. Finally, the horse began to run longer and faster. The horse made enough progress to once again see himself as a beautiful racehorse. But there was still something in the horse that it never could quite get over; being made to feel like a failure by the first man.

The thing that’s hard to understand is this, why would this man do everything he could to discourage his own racehorse? You’d think that he would have done the opposite. But no, instead of encouraging the horse, praising the horse’s efforts, and showing the horse that he was loved regardless if he ran fast; the man heaped discouragement upon his horse.

This story isn’t about a horse; it's about children.

Why for the love of God would any parent constantly criticize everything their child does? To what advantage does that help? If anything, it destroys any hope that child has. And the worst yet is that child lives their life feeling that no matter what they do it will never be enough. It’s an uphill climb for any person who has been made to feel that everything they do isn’t good enough but it’s especially damaging for a child.

I believe that children come into this world with childlike hope. Most parents clap and cheer when their child takes its first steps as though their child just invented walking.

It’s supposed to be natural for parents to cheer on the accomplishments of their children. Especially, a child who isn’t as bright, strong, or as talented as other children. But to purposely break the spirit in a child who is trying their best is cruel.

I know that there are no perfect parents. I dare to say that even the best of parents would admit to not doing everything right.

I always had to ask myself how different I would have been had I had a nurturing encouraging father instead of like the first man in this story.

But I was bought by another Man; Jesus Christ. And HE loved me back to wholeness. I’m not that damaged child who tried her best every day to please an earthly father who said over and over, “What you do isn’t good enough.”

So maybe you’ve read this far wondering why I’d be writing this. Yes, I thank my Heavenly Father for all the love and changes he has made in me. So many times he has reminded me that He knit me in my mother’s womb and saw me before any eyes saw me. He also knew who my father would be and how he would damage my life.

These are some of the questions I’ve asked God and still don’t know the answers. But I do know this, no matter where God sends us into this world, or how he sends us, He never loses sight of us. He has his reasons.

I quit trying to spend my life trying to understand why I was given to such a destructive father. Instead, I realized that I was doing the same thing to God that my father did to me. Was I telling God that HE wasn’t enough? That He couldn’t fix the damage in me? That no matter what Jesus did on Calvary I would never be emotionally healed?

Dear reader, if you are still reading and there has been something going off inside of you that you feel that you will never be able to overcome; let me encourage you that you can.

It might not happen overnight. You might have days when it will take everything inside of you to fight that voice in your head or the pain in your heart. But when we have the Holy Spirit living within us that was sent to comfort, encourage, teach, and abide with us forever, hope can and will be restored.

The Word says that children are a gift from God. Not every person who becomes a parent sees it that way. I pray that you or someone you know isn’t doing everything they can to destroy a child’s hope.

The Word also says in Matthew 18:6 But if any of you causes one of these little ones who trusts in me to lose his faith, (hope) it would be better for you to have a rock tied to your neck and be thrown into the sea.

I’m an adult but I’m still one of God’s little ones.

I pray that if you don’t know the Lord you will ask for forgiveness, believe in the Name of Jesus, and ask Him into your life today. Your life will begin to change in ways that you could never imagine and if you have little ones depending on you to shape their lives you should thank God for entrusting them to you and lean on God to show you have to show them how to see the racehorse in themselves.

May God forgive anyone harming their own child today or anyone’s child.

I bless you.

No Ghost here…

Maybe I should have a ghost do my writing. I struggle with being consistent here on this lonely little page of mine. It calls to me to come post something, but I tend to ignore the pleading that an inanimate object can create. (a page is an inanimate object. Isn’t it?)

When the struggle isn’t getting the best of me I come here to see if perchance some internet surfer lost their way and landed on the shore of my page. Often as not, there are no traceable footprints in the sand. Sigh*

But today my motivation was seeing Oprah’s book club choice. I don’t really follow her choices. In fact, I’ll admit that I’ve never read one of her choices. So it’s lost on me. But what did get my attention was the term—ghost writer.

My inner bedraggled writer who spends hours at her keyboard while her first cup of coffee goes stone cold, and her back aches wants to protest. So I will. It’s my prerogative.

I’ll admit first that I can be very believing of people. I think too naive if the truth is told. And that’s another point in my rant. Honesty in the book writing world. Sure, I guess I could have a better chance at a #1 Best Seller if I had an English major with credentials a mile long helping me write with a creative literary mind for which I would take the credit. But alas, it’s only me.

But as it’s said by anyone who really stands behind their efforts, if I win—I did it. If I lose—I did it. I’m a one woman writer. I start the book; I spend waking hours and sometimes have to get up at night to peck out a thought so as not to lose it. I format, edit, and edit and edit… and even then I don’t get it all right. But the book is solely mine.

They become like my children. I almost don’t want to fledge them into the world where they are rejected or not even picked to have a page or two of them read. If they even became like the last kid to be picked in a gym class would be something. It doesn’t hurt my ego; it hurts my dedicated writer’s heart.

It takes a lot of a person to sit and write books. You get lost in the character’s lives. People that you created for whatever reason end up one day saying goodbye when the book is finished. I actually have felt lonely for some of the characters I spent hours with.

I might as well go ahead and get this rant over with. In today’s messed up society I think my stories are a breath of fresh air. They are GOOD stories. They have good outcomes. I play fair with my potential readers. I try to create books that people can relate to and come away with being entertained  by a memorable character or at least didn’t spend their time and money on trashy verbiage.

Okay, I’m done. I’ve had my say. I’m going to go back and work on my next book just because I can’t NOT write. How’s that for good English!

Just in case if by Divine guidance you stumbled upon this page and found an honest one woman self-published, self-written dedicated author of great unread books, here are a few titles you might want to go investigate.

Tangled Lives

The Others

The Making of Dexter Bridgestoke’s Bequeath

A Stone’s throw away from Christmas

God declares, Tell them I AM: Too deep a Gethsemane

Guilty Innocence

Whales in the Pond

A Clap of Thunder

Eternity’s Portal

January Sky

These are two of my personal stories about my life.

Bullied from the Womb

Walking through the Valley of Mud (Healed of cancer)

If you should read any of my books and leave a review—good or bad—I’ll be extremely grateful.

I’m done with my ranting now.

God Bless

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas is for people who admit to being too needy.

Recently, a friend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. This was my very first response, just to talk to you.

Friendship with this person has been one of the riches blessings in my life. I realize that not a lot of people have such a friendship like ours—if even a close friend at all. It isn’t about the material giving that makes up a truly close friendship. Life and time has limited our talking to one another as often as we once did. The friendship is still there but the time spent actually talking on the phone has been far less lately. 

It's sitting down together over a meal, a cup of coffee late at night and just sharing things. I’ve had times like this with this one friend and one other. These two people I consider two of my closes friends and my mind always goes back to those times. Remembering helping one of these friends throughout the Christmas holiday, baking with her, wrapping gifts, then stopping to eat a burger and coffee when we got done. These are the things I miss the most. With the other friend as well. Not doing the same things but that time spent talking, praying, and believing for God to move in our lives—these are what I would ask for.

I realized something about myself recently. I’ve always tried to be honest about who I am. Especially, since being a Christian. From the very beginning of my walk with the Lord I’ve stood on this scripture. You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. It isn’t always easy to be truthful about who we are, it takes a lot of soul searching.

Lately, the world is in a real mess. It seems that another scripture is a truth. Calling good evil and evil good. Completely backwards. Sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder what in the world are people thinking. How do they ever come to such conclusions?

Examining my own life today and being asked what I really want for Christmas from this person, I reached deep inside and told them the truth. First, I admitted this truth to myself.

A little backstory. Recently I heard someone say that we come into this world wanting two things. Actually, a part of every human being whether they admit to it or not—wanting to know God and needing the closeness of another human being. Boy, does this ever describe me.

I’m constantly seeking after that closeness with knowing God. Knowing His love and wanting to live with an awareness of His presence in my life every day. Always seeking more of Him. Then in my interaction with another person. Here is where my total surrendering of the truth about myself came this morning.

I am an extremely needy person. I have been from my birth. I’ve known it but not to the degree that I’m now willing to admit it openly. All my life I have searched for that one true intimate relationship. It’s a rare illusive thing. I’m sure I’m not the only one chasing after it. I’ve pretty much given up on the hope of finding it at this time in my life. Seventy-five years and I think it’s time to let it go.

My confession this morning was realizing that being such a needy person means that I don’t think there really is anyone who could have ever filled that place in me but God. After all, we are all needy in some aspects, so asking another person who is broken themselves to fill our neediness is absurd. I think we are a lot of half people walking around looking for that other half of ourselves.

Christmas is such a hard time for many of us. It brings all those emotions to the surface that I think we keep under control all the other time. But I would be amiss if I didn't also say that I am certainly not as big a mess at Christmas that I have been in my life years ago. Even the ads this time of year prompted my emotions. Seeing families gather around cozy kitchen settings, a family dinner table or friends knocking at their door. There’s one this year that I am sure will be sending people looking for the box of Kleenex.

It’s a woman with dementia and the grandchild takes her out in an old truck that has been tucked away in a barn which brings back memories she had otherwise lost. I won’t give it all away, but what it provokes is sheer a heartstring tugging moment. I’m positive that it will touch a lot of people. We really don’t know sometimes what other people are actually going through.

My finally coming to accept the fact that my extreme neediness can and will only be filled by God gives me a much needed complete peace this Christmas. Just knowing that I DO have someone that loves me unconditionally no matter what, can’t be bought and wrapped in a package with a bow on top. Like a lot of people that think that they are the only one who feels a certain way, has to know they can’t be the only one.

So, if you are struggling again this Christmas looking for that fleeting vision of finding all that you need in another individual I have good news for you. There is Someone who can love you more than any other person in the world—God.

That is what Christmas is really all about. Not what the world has made it out to be. If you want to really have a Christmas experience, take a minute to slow down, steal away in your mind and really look at that manger birth scene. Ask yourself what really was happening in that moment. Who was Mary and Joseph and what were their lives about to do for all of humanity. They were just two young people chosen by God to be the instruments of his coming in human form as Jesus.

I’m sure at some time you might have heard the word—Emmanuel. It means God with us. He came into this world to do just that—be with each and every one of us who will recognize Him in the birth of Jesus Christ. It takes faith. It takes wanting to admit to needing God. That life is hard and when we look anywhere else for something or someone to fill that need in our lives we come away still in need. I think the truth that really hit me hard in my being honest is in the word—reciprocate. Often times this is what is missing with human relationships. Expecting that other person to meet our expectations in the same way that we give to them. This is rare, extremely rare, and rarely does it ever happen.

I hope with all my heart if even one person is led here this Christmas season looking for something to fill that need in themselves I will have given them Good News. I’d like to offer you a place to look for that rare and almost impossible relationship if like me, you find yourself able to admit to being needy.

There is someone looking for you too. Someone who can be everything to you that you ever wanted and need. And it can happen so easily with just one simple prayer of admitting that He is Lord and asking for forgiveness and asking Him to come into your life. This person is—Jesus. Please take time to really look into the meaning of Christmas this year, you won’t be disappointed. I know that its hard to believe that its possible for the deepest part of you to ever find what you are searching for, but it's possible. The only way that it is possible is through God's precious gift of Himself. 

I bless you.

Merry Christmas