Christmas is for people who admit to being too needy.

Recently, a friend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. This was my very first response, just to talk to you.

Friendship with this person has been one of the riches blessings in my life. I realize that not a lot of people have such a friendship like ours—if even a close friend at all. It isn’t about the material giving that makes up a truly close friendship. Life and time has limited our talking to one another as often as we once did. The friendship is still there but the time spent actually talking on the phone has been far less lately. 

It's sitting down together over a meal, a cup of coffee late at night and just sharing things. I’ve had times like this with this one friend and one other. These two people I consider two of my closes friends and my mind always goes back to those times. Remembering helping one of these friends throughout the Christmas holiday, baking with her, wrapping gifts, then stopping to eat a burger and coffee when we got done. These are the things I miss the most. With the other friend as well. Not doing the same things but that time spent talking, praying, and believing for God to move in our lives—these are what I would ask for.

I realized something about myself recently. I’ve always tried to be honest about who I am. Especially, since being a Christian. From the very beginning of my walk with the Lord I’ve stood on this scripture. You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. It isn’t always easy to be truthful about who we are, it takes a lot of soul searching.

Lately, the world is in a real mess. It seems that another scripture is a truth. Calling good evil and evil good. Completely backwards. Sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder what in the world are people thinking. How do they ever come to such conclusions?

Examining my own life today and being asked what I really want for Christmas from this person, I reached deep inside and told them the truth. First, I admitted this truth to myself.

A little backstory. Recently I heard someone say that we come into this world wanting two things. Actually, a part of every human being whether they admit to it or not—wanting to know God and needing the closeness of another human being. Boy, does this ever describe me.

I’m constantly seeking after that closeness with knowing God. Knowing His love and wanting to live with an awareness of His presence in my life every day. Always seeking more of Him. Then in my interaction with another person. Here is where my total surrendering of the truth about myself came this morning.

I am an extremely needy person. I have been from my birth. I’ve known it but not to the degree that I’m now willing to admit it openly. All my life I have searched for that one true intimate relationship. It’s a rare illusive thing. I’m sure I’m not the only one chasing after it. I’ve pretty much given up on the hope of finding it at this time in my life. Seventy-five years and I think it’s time to let it go.

My confession this morning was realizing that being such a needy person means that I don’t think there really is anyone who could have ever filled that place in me but God. After all, we are all needy in some aspects, so asking another person who is broken themselves to fill our neediness is absurd. I think we are a lot of half people walking around looking for that other half of ourselves.

Christmas is such a hard time for many of us. It brings all those emotions to the surface that I think we keep under control all the other time. But I would be amiss if I didn't also say that I am certainly not as big a mess at Christmas that I have been in my life years ago. Even the ads this time of year prompted my emotions. Seeing families gather around cozy kitchen settings, a family dinner table or friends knocking at their door. There’s one this year that I am sure will be sending people looking for the box of Kleenex.

It’s a woman with dementia and the grandchild takes her out in an old truck that has been tucked away in a barn which brings back memories she had otherwise lost. I won’t give it all away, but what it provokes is sheer a heartstring tugging moment. I’m positive that it will touch a lot of people. We really don’t know sometimes what other people are actually going through.

My finally coming to accept the fact that my extreme neediness can and will only be filled by God gives me a much needed complete peace this Christmas. Just knowing that I DO have someone that loves me unconditionally no matter what, can’t be bought and wrapped in a package with a bow on top. Like a lot of people that think that they are the only one who feels a certain way, has to know they can’t be the only one.

So, if you are struggling again this Christmas looking for that fleeting vision of finding all that you need in another individual I have good news for you. There is Someone who can love you more than any other person in the world—God.

That is what Christmas is really all about. Not what the world has made it out to be. If you want to really have a Christmas experience, take a minute to slow down, steal away in your mind and really look at that manger birth scene. Ask yourself what really was happening in that moment. Who was Mary and Joseph and what were their lives about to do for all of humanity. They were just two young people chosen by God to be the instruments of his coming in human form as Jesus.

I’m sure at some time you might have heard the word—Emmanuel. It means God with us. He came into this world to do just that—be with each and every one of us who will recognize Him in the birth of Jesus Christ. It takes faith. It takes wanting to admit to needing God. That life is hard and when we look anywhere else for something or someone to fill that need in our lives we come away still in need. I think the truth that really hit me hard in my being honest is in the word—reciprocate. Often times this is what is missing with human relationships. Expecting that other person to meet our expectations in the same way that we give to them. This is rare, extremely rare, and rarely does it ever happen.

I hope with all my heart if even one person is led here this Christmas season looking for something to fill that need in themselves I will have given them Good News. I’d like to offer you a place to look for that rare and almost impossible relationship if like me, you find yourself able to admit to being needy.

There is someone looking for you too. Someone who can be everything to you that you ever wanted and need. And it can happen so easily with just one simple prayer of admitting that He is Lord and asking for forgiveness and asking Him to come into your life. This person is—Jesus. Please take time to really look into the meaning of Christmas this year, you won’t be disappointed. I know that its hard to believe that its possible for the deepest part of you to ever find what you are searching for, but it's possible. The only way that it is possible is through God's precious gift of Himself. 

I bless you.

Merry Christmas

 

 

 

When Lazarus doesn’t come out of the Grave

This post starts by refreshing your memory about the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead by Jesus. Perhaps you are unfamiliar with this event in the Bible, you can read it here. John 11: 1-43

Lazarus wasn’t just one of the many people who followed Jesus. He was a dear friend. Lazarus and his two sisters had become special when they entered the life of Jesus and his disciples through visits to there home whenever Jesus came into their town. This family of three had evidently been chosen to be more than casual acquaintances. They had built a relationship with Jesus by welcoming him deeply into their lives.

The two sisters, Martha, the eldest sister, and Mary the younger, saw that Jesus and his disciples were treated with love and hospitality. Martha in particular must have loved to prepare the meals. I can relate to this part of the story. There’s nothing like feeding the people that you love, especially when they enjoy your efforts to please them. Mary, was more drawn to joining the times of teaching and sitting at the feet of Jesus. Both of these acts were ways in which these women showed their love for Jesus.

Lazarus was spoken of as being Jesus’ friend. The two men were probably like brothers. I’m sure the community must have recognized the fact of how dear this family was to the Rabbi Jesus. So, when we begin to read about Lazarus falling ill and Martha sending a servant to find Jesus to tell him, our minds begin to think that Jesus will instantly head their way. It was no secret that Jesus was able to heal those who came to him. Most of these were strangers.

When the servant found Jesus and his disciples and told him that Lazarus was sick and that Martha was asking him to come, Jesus’ response was to stay two more days where he was. Wouldn’t you have thought that being his friend that Jesus would have hurried to his side? It ended up being four days before Jesus went to the home of his friends. At first, Jesus left his confused disciples wondering why he didn’t respond to the news brought by the servant only to hear, that in fact, Lazarus wasn’t just ill but that he had died.

When the news came to the sisters that Jesus was entering their town of Bethany, Martha went out to meet him. The town was full of people who knew the family and official mourners. Martha was understandably heartbroken and upset with Jesus; and rightly so. Lazarus was a friend. She and Mary also considered themselves to be friends with Jesus. If any person would have prompted Jesus to act, you would have thought it would have been Lazarus.

This is a very emotionally charged story. There’s confusion, anger, disappointment, and most of all a deep hurt coming out of total misunderstanding. Jesus’ actions seemed to be completely out of character. It seemed that he had purposely not come to this family's side at their most critical hour of need.

Perhaps as you read this story as I did, I found myself thinking about times in my life where I needed Jesus to show up with the only possible answer to my prayers; and He was late.

After four days of being in the grave it was an opinion of that era that the soul of the deceased had passed on and death was absolutely believed to be true. Not only that, but the body had begun to decompose. Therefore, when Jesus was asked to be taken to where Lazarus had been sealed in the tomb he was followed by the crowd. He’d already been confronted by the sisters stating what they believed that if he had come, their brother would not have died. I’m sure there were many in this small town who had taken the same approach to the appearance of Jesus’ lack of concern for someone he was supposed to have highly respected and loved as friends.

Jesus makes the most humanly response so far in this story; he weeps openly. His conduct now shows what so many had already thought Jesus would do—care deeply. That he would care enough to have rushed to stop this grief from ever happening. But if we continue to follow along while carrying our own story of grief or disappointment as we watch this story unfold, we’ll see why Jesus did what he did.

Jesus was after far more than restoring life to his friend. He wanted all those who were witness to this event to believe that in seeing him, they were seeing the tremendous Love of the Father for all humanity. Now, I know you might be thinking—love? How could it possibly be love when Jesus had the ability to heal Lazarus and have prevented such hurt and chose not to?

Jesus was always representing the Father—in fact he was the exact image of the Father having come in human form. That was what Jesus came to do over everything else; show the world the Father. On many occasion he said, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father. The Father and I are one.”

In my own life I have come to Jesus in prayer believing that He would answer those prayers. In those times I realize now that I was coming like the people in this story asking for the “thing” and not the Person behind my prayers. Jesus’ main purpose that he wove through every incident of healing, teaching or interaction with people was to turn their attention to the Father’s love.

Continuing to the end of the story we see that Lazarus is called out of the tomb and his life restored much to the amazement of everyone who witnessed it. Jesus was acclaimed that day to truly be more than a Rabbi because no one could raise the dead other than the Son of God.

If you are sitting thinking about a time when you needed Jesus to raise the “dead” prayer you prayed, and he didn’t, than you are not alone. I’m sure Jesus and the disciples all returned to the home of this family and ate and rejoiced the rest of the day. But it’s not that crowd I want to continue to address. What about the crowd of us who have been left standing at that grave waiting for the answer to our prayers to come walking out?

What do we do when Lazarus stays in the grave?

I can only tell you what I have had to do on several occasions once I realized that what I was asking God for wasn’t going to happen—I continued on. What I’m about to say doesn’t make me some kind of super saint, in fact what I’m going to say will expose me to be just the opposite. I am a very needy weak person. I have not been able to handle most of what life threw at me. I learned early on that I needed God. I knew that I could not do life without help.

When my “Lazarus” doesn’t come out of the grave I keep trusting. I have to, I have no other choice. Turning back to whatever means of coping I had before accepting Jesus as Lord of my life isn’t an option.

Many times, I have laid on my face crying out for some kind of understanding of why God didn’t answer my prayers the way I thought he would. After times of sheer mental and physical exhaustion God gathered me up in His arms of love and reassured me that He wasn’t done yet.

When I dared to continue to believe that perhaps God had something else in store for me was when my answer came. I had to learn the same lesson Jesus was teaching in the story of raising Lazarus. It wasn’t getting Lazarus back that was most important; it was understanding the Love of the Father for us. If just getting what we are asking from God is the only thing we want then we are sadly missing everything Jesus stood for.

The main instruction to all of us in the Word is this, Matthew 6:33  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

When we make knowing God our primary goal everything else becomes secondary. When it dawned on me what God was truly after in my life I have made it my main pursuit. I want to know Him. I want to know His love for me. I want to wake up every day experiencing His love, comfort, and care through the Holy Spirit he sent into my life for just that purpose.

Do I have needs? Do I pray for things that I hope will come to pass? Absolutely. Even with my main desire to know and trust God’s sovereignty and believe in prayer have I continued to spend nights hurting over unanswered prayers? Yes, yes I have. But I have also seen the sun rise on better answers than what I was asking for.

God is never done. Just because Lazarus doesn’t come out of the grave for you and me doesn’t mean that God hasn’t heard our prayers or doesn’t care.

I want to encourage you and in encouraging you, I’m once again encouraging myself to never give up on God’s love. It’s the power behind everything we as Christians believe.

If you have or are now having to walk away from the grave of an unanswered prayer I would ask you to take heart. I’m not saying don’t feel the feelings, I’m saying by all means let yourself grieve the loss, the disappointment and even the discouragement. But once your tears subside, and they will, then look to the God of all Comfort because He is not done yet.

Maybe you have heard it said that when God doesn’t answer your prayers the way you think that he should that he has something else in mind. At the time that doesn’t offer much comfort. Sometimes it takes time to see the better plan. Living in an instantaneous world, waiting is not something any of us want to do. Because I have been at the end of many unanswered prayers I have also found myself rejoicing over much more than I was asking. Not only did I finally see the Wisdom of God’s purpose in not answering my prayers the way I thought he would I learned a far greater lesson. I learned to patiently trust the love of God for my life. I learned how comforting the Holy Spirit can be. I learned what unconditional love really means when God forgives my frustration with him. I’ve gained an ever growing relationship with God. One that isn’t superficial but goes far beyond. One that I’m still perfecting.

It's with an extremely thankful heart today that I can say that I’m glad that Lazarus stayed in the grave of some of my prayers. Because I gave God time to show me what He was doing in my life I have never been forsaken by Him. Today as I’m waiting and watching yet again, for that marvelous loving heart of God to choose something better for me and those I love, I will praise Him today. My expectations are in Him. No matter what, he can and will only do me good. The Word doesn’t say that all things are good, but that He works all things together for the good of those who love him. He never intends anything but good for all of us.

No matter what you are facing today, if you know God and even if you don’t, his Love for you is the same. Don’t give up, don’t walk away because God just might not be done yet and you don’t want to miss what He has planned for you that you didn’t see coming.

I bless you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 This too shall come to pass

 Do you ever wish that where you find yourself right now would get over? Stop for a minute and reflect back to another time in your life when you felt the same thing. You didn’t stay there.

I remember a Sunday, years ago, just after my parents divorced, I was sixteen. I thought I was going to go live with my father because he had promised me that I would. But that had only been a lie to keep me while the divorce was going on. I didn’t know it then. He had no intention of taking me with him. I loved my father more than life itself. So, when he said he needed me to stay with my mother, something still in me wanted to please him far more than let my own feelings be expressed; I relented.

My mother and I had no transportation at the time. We were solely dependent on either my sister who had gotten married by that time or my father who only came to take me to the grocery store once a week. My world was very bleak. I was a sixteen-year-old girl who should have been living a carefree life filled with promise and hope.

On this particular Sunday, my sister had promised that she would come and get me and Mother and take us out for the day to a piece of property where they kept their horses. I was so excited to be able to get out of the house. She had told me to be ready early so that her husband wouldn’t have to wait on us. I had a bag packed for the day, told my mother to also be ready and we were up at 7 o’clock.

I sat anticipating seeing my sister pull up at any moment. Seven o’clock came and went. Eight o’clock, nine o’clock, and still no sister. No phone call either. By now my mother had made coffee and found a book to read. I sat at the window slowly dissolving into a broken mess. Every car that came around the corner and passed my house sent me further into a pit of despair. All day I refused to lose what little hope I had. My mother tried several times to get me to find something to do. It was evident that my sister wasn’t coming and even if she did it was getting so late in the day.

By ten o’clock at night, I was still sitting looking out that window. I had gone through every imaginable emotion from anger to deep discouragement. It was days later that my sister finally called to say that her husband had wanted her to run errands and was getting more irritated with her as the day went on. This explanation did nothing to soothe the pain I felt. Days after that I found myself still tied to those feelings. I just didn’t seem to be able to move on.

That was over fifty years ago. At that time, I was sure my life would never change. I felt that I would be stuck right there in that rejected sixteen-year-old life of mine. I was convinced that nothing was ever going to change.

Well, life did change and throughout my life, there have been other times that I thought I would always be stuck in. I lost hope as a child and it took me years, with God’s help, to gain back hope again.

Now come to my present time. God has made some promises to me of things that are coming. I remember a few times in the Word when God made promises to people. Here in Genesis 18:10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Sarah was barren and had no children. So reading this was for me like my sister promising to come on that Sunday.

Another scripture was of a woman called Hannah who also had no children and while she was crying out to God in the temple, the priest Eli heard her and thought she was drunk. When she told him that she was not drunk but sick in her soul and explained why, Eli told her to go her way and that God would grant her whatever it was she was asking for. 

1 Samuel 1: 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”

Both of these situations must have seemed hopeless to these women. So much so that even as they walked year after year the desire only grew greater, and they weren’t getting any younger.

Now that I find myself years into walking with the Lord I can look back and in looking back at times I thought would never change, I see that nothing came to stay—it all came to pass.

When we all find ourselves in times, we think will never change we need to remind ourselves of those times we didn’t think would change and yet they did.

Even though God restored my hope, over the years, I still have to remind myself not to let the present situation cause me to lose hope. God is working on our behalf even when we don’t see things changing.

I’ll leave you with this. God is always ready to encourage you and talk with you. In fact, He desires to have time with us every single day. He is a God of all our today and also of our futures. He has a place He is longing to bring us into not just one day in Heaven but here and now.

Maybe you feel stuck, but get still and listen for God to say, “This has not come into your life to stay it has come to pass.”

I bless you.

 

 

 

 

          More than just having cancer.

 When you wake up on the day that you have received a diagnosis of cancer, life changes. Your whole schedule changes. Everything you were doing at the time comes pretty much to a standstill. A whole lot of new appointments get scheduled for you and what you were giving your days to; a lot gets put on hold.

When this hit my life, I went about it differently. I refused to see myself being a victim of my diagnosis. I never saw myself dying at any time. I kept saying, “It’s just a thing.” It happened. I don’t know how and that wasn’t the main thought every day. When the first thing I did before I even called 911 was to contact Heaven and see what God had to say, that set my path ahead of me.

I finished the book, Walking through the Valley of Mud the other day and it’s on Amazon. I woke up this morning wanting to come here to add another post about what this past year for me was like.

I thought about the book and realized that there is more about what God did in my spirit and life than what cancer did to my body. I believe that is because I refused to take it into my body. All these months and still today this diagnosis sat outside of me. I know that might not make sense but it’s all I have to share with you.

It’s more than a mindset, although, that has a great deal to do with how you get through your journey. But it has to come from a conviction that God is good and loving, and he doesn’t afflict his children with cancer to teach them something. That’s in complete contrast to who He is.

But He does use these trials that come into our lives for good. That is a fantastic part of my journey; good has come out of it.

Now when I see or hear about other people who lost loved ones to this disease, I can’t help but wonder if they took the word of the medical field over the Word of God? I got told things that sounded like the truth. I was given percentages of 40 or 50 or even 80% of recurrence if I didn’t follow what I was told. And to be honest, when I’d come home from these visits, I’d feel fear trying to overtake me. Where I had been walking in trust from the beginning and knew that I had a journey to take to my Pool where I’d SEE what I was believing; that I was already healed.

I hope anyone reading this will stop listening to the words of fear being spoken over them. Words from any source, friends who tell you stories of people who died from what you have, Christians who say you shouldn’t go to doctors if you are really a Christian.

You have to first stop and talk to God about your individual life. That’s the only voice that matters. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows the way in which you should walk and he’s not going to get mad at you or deny you access to all His love, grace, and mercy just because you can’t stand in complete faith.

 This was what I needed to share today over just another update on how my journey went. Today I feel closer to the Lord than ever and at the same time healthier than ever. I refuse to live the rest of my life in fear. I have a bright future ahead of me, hoping to get back to Florida when God opens the door, I’ll be ready.

I bless you. 

https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B0082D161E 

            Where does your mind go first?

1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.

Whether we all confess it or not, each one of us has an instant standard of belief—the glass is half full or half empty. We use this standard in various ways depending on the circumstances. To put it in a different way, some people are natural optimists, and some are pessimists. But as Christians we are to first think on whatsoever is true, of good report, honest, and loving. Not just about others but about our own selves.

Proverbs 23: 7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.

When my journey toward healing started the very first thoughts I had to accept were about what God said about me. I had to believe God over everything I was feeling and seeing. I had to judge God righter than what my circumstances were telling my senses.

We live in a body governed by five senses. If we can’t see it, touch it, taste it, smell it, or hear it, then it’s not real. That’s what our natural body tells us. But when we become born of the Spirit, our spirit comes alive, and we die to the senses. It’s like a house going from running off electricity to now operating by solar. But we are still living in the same house.

I had to make an instant decision. I could within those first few minutes make a choice. Was I going to believe what I was seeing and feeling or was I going to listen to the voice of God telling me to trust Him and allow Him to show me how He works in this world? I wish I could say that my faith was so strong that I made my choice out of the full knowledge of knowing God, but I’d not be telling the truth.

I can back that up by a recent situation just yesterday. I want to believe that I’m a person who leans toward the positive about things that happen in my life but I’m still learning things about myself—some I need to change.

I ordered a bottle of vitamins and knew that it would be a few days before they arrived. Honestly, I sort of forgot they were coming. When I did remember, I went to the site I ordered them from and there was confirmation that they had indeed been shipped and delivered by FedEx. FedEx has a habit of taking a picture as proof of delivery. But the package hadn’t been delivered to my door, it was left between the two electric doors at the front of the building where anyone could easily take it.

My first thought was anything but true. I listened to that carnal side of my mind and instantly believed that someone had taken it. I became angry with FedEx. Their drivers are the laziest among delivery drivers. I’ve had other items left downstairs rather than them taking the time to do their jobs right. So, in my mind I was out my bottle of vitamins; not to mention the dishonest person who took my package.

But in my spirit, I was hearing something different. I heard, call the office, and see if my package was sitting there that had been delivered two days ago. I didn’t listen. I leaned toward my own understanding and not the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is always ready to help us if we will listen to His voice and obey it.

This morning my phone rang and it was the manager calling to tell me that she had a package in the office for me and apologized for getting busy and not letting me know it was in the office. Right then I heard the Holy Spirit’s conviction—not condemnation but loving conviction. I could have saved myself from two days of a bad attitude had I listened and obeyed.

Recently another more heartfelt situation happened and for three days I have been struggling with my feelings over believing what I know is true. Every day we have choices to make. Are we going to walk in our old man or walk in the Holy Spirit? There shouldn’t even be a question but sadly the flesh doesn’t die easily. Even when we have walked with God for many years we can slip up. Thankfully, I’ve learned to turn my heart and mind around much quicker. Years ago, I went months suffering with my feelings. Now it can be as quickly as a few minutes. But in these two back-to-back cases it was three days.

I knew that God was trying to teach me a very valuable lesson. I cannot trust my feelings. I had jumped to conclusions, which shows me that there is still a lot of work that needs to be done inside of me.

Praise God, that the night standing in the shower when it was a matter of my life, I listened. I set my feelings outside of my body and refused to believe what all my senses were telling me. I chose to believe God.

Dear reader, if you have been born again and have the Holy Spirit living within you, you can do the same thing. I had to wake up to a daily choice. I also had to not judge my circumstances before the time no matter what was to come.

Chemotherapy and radiation were soon to be in my future. There would be words spoken to me and over my life that I would either believe or remember what God said. One of the hardest to deal with was knowing that I was to be as the man who Jesus said to go wash in the Pool of Siloam in John 9:7. My healing was going to be a journey even though I knew that the very moment I chose to believe the voice of the Holy Spirit I was healed.

God’s thoughts are so much higher than ours and His ways are not our ways. I want to live and walk by the Spirit about even the smallest things in my life. I got my bottle of vitamins and I’m choosing to believe the best of the other circumstance and about myself. Not making judgments before the time.

I bless you.

 

 

 

 

When unexpected events change what you are praying for. 

While being transported to another hospital there were so many thoughts going through my mind. I had to make myself relax and let God do His work in this unexpected situation. Because for months this certainly wasn’t what I had been praying about. Living in Ohio was a result of my daughter-in-law’s family living here. So naturally, when my son retired this was where we were to call home. We’d been living here for nearly twelve years at this time.

But I had been seeking the Lord about opening up a door for us to move back to Florida after her family had made their unexpected move there. Consequently, we were the only part of her family still living in Ohio. I understood that not having her family here now, she would also want to leave. It really was all right with me and certainly my son as well.

Sometimes it felt as though we had been living forty years in the desert like the children of Israel. It wasn’t home to either my son or me. We were used to the southern hospitality that was sorely missing where we were currently living. With the news that she was eager to move, I fell right into wanting the same thing but for far different reasons. I wanted to go home. Home for me had been around the northern part of the state. I had friends there. Friends that I missed tremendously. A couple in particular that I had recently reunited with was making missing them increasingly harder every day.

As a result, these thoughts had been monopolizing my thoughts daily. We had caught up with one another and been back in each other’s life for about two years and the friendship was as sweet as it had ever been, in fact, I think even sweeter. After being on Facebook and using its message portion daily, Marie and I had rekindled our close-knit friendship as if we had never been apart. Her daughter, Teresa, and I shared the same sort of friendship, laced with a deep affection based on our common faith. God had made us prayer partners, agreeing as touching prayer partners.

Sadly, during the last two years, Marie had become ill and passed away leaving a massive void in the lives of everyone who knew and loved her. A void that it would take many people to fill, if at all possible. She was the hub of her family and the vast community of friends. We weren’t sure that space would ever heal. This left Teresa, her daughter, and I to solidify our bond even more out of a grief that is almost at times inconsolable. Thus, we were praying for my return daily. We had been praying about my return to Florida, perhaps even in or around the same area when I now found myself being shuttled to a hospital late in the evening. Neither of us saw this coming.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt the ambulance making its turn into the Emergency driveway. I had to bring my mind back to the present moment. I had to begin to listen to that comforting voice I was accustomed to hearing that I know as the Holy Spirit.

It didn’t take long for them to get me settled into my room and begin to assure me that I was in good hands. I knew the Hands that I was already in, but I welcomed the human hands that would be taking care of me also.

Reassured that I was going to be well taken care of, my son was convinced to go home and get some rest. He had worked the prior day and now had been up for over twenty-four hours. I was safely somewhere that if the bleeding became too profuse again there were people around me who would help. Once he was assured, I let myself begin my conversation again with the Lord.

Laying in bed, I took a really deep breath and exhaled as much of the dread of being swept up in the medical world as I could. Hadn’t God spoken to me that He would show me that He could overcome any system? I, being a nurse, myself, was a little in doubt. I knew what it was like. Everything takes time. You have to learn that in the world it’s ‘take a number’ and wait. With the recent outbreak of Covid in our country and around the world, take a number had taken on a much different meaning.

Medical staffing was hard put to be as attentive or answer the many call lights as quickly as usual. I prided myself on being a model patient. I was cooperative and knew that I wasn’t going to be the only one needing attention. That night I resigned myself to doing exactly what the Lord had told me to do—trust Him. Therefore, I relaxed and let myself drift off to sleep; no sense in both He and I stay awake.

 

  Books Books Books!

Here is the link to all my books on Amazon. 

https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B0082D161E

I hope that you will take a shopping trip there. My books are good reading. They are faith-based and have believable characters. There's a variety of stories. Bullied from the Womb is my life story.

A Stone's throw away from Christmas is a delightful story of colorful female characters who end up having to learn a great deal about themselves and others. It was around Christmas which opened their hearts, even more, to see what gifts they had to give one another. 

God Declares, "Tell them I AM." this came out of one single question I asked the Lord one day. I wanted to know what He was thinking as he walked through His time here on earth.

Guilty Innocence was written for my dear mother who loved a good mystery.

January Sky was my very first book. It came from a picture of two polar bears on a calendar. 

Tangled Lives is a love story about two people that found each other twice. Their love never died for one another and the unexpected reunion will keep you wanting to read more. 

The Others finds a woman sitting in a late-night diner about to walk into a lifestyle she never could have imagined. And yet that is exactly what she ends up doing. She imagines a life for herself that comes to pass. 

Whales in the Pond will take you on a journey back from regret and unforgiveness. 

A Clap of Thunder starts with a woman wandering around a store one night unable to find her way in life until another shopper takes her home and begins to help put the pieces of her life back together. 

Eternity's Portal will take you to a place where you will have to decide if it's real or not. 

 Christians that believe in healing go to doctors too.

 I want to share my recent journey of health with you. It started back in July of 2022. Seems incredible that it’s been nine months and I’m sitting here healed.

I’ll only mention my diagnosis once because all through my journey I didn’t see myself as a cancer victim. I can’t begin to emphasize the importance of the first moments that my journey started.

While entering my bathroom one night thinking that my incontinence had become worse, I was surprised by multiple blood clots (one the size of my hand) hitting the floor around me. This was followed by a steady stream of blood. I might add here that I’m not a panic person. As odd as it might sound, the first thing I thought and even said aloud was, “Oh, no Lord, this is something I know I can’t ignore. But I’m not looking forward to having to be swept up in the medical world of hurry up and wait.” I was more disturbed about having to call 911 and my son than anything else.

As I tried to prepare myself for transport I was praying. This is what the Lord spoke to me while standing in the shower, “Susan, Trust me, I will show you that I can and will overcome all the systems of the world.” I was instantly filled with a peace that never and still hasn’t left me.

Once I was on my way to the ER this Word came into my spirit, not my mind. The healing of the blind man that was instructed to go wash in the Pool of Siloam after Jesus put the mud on his eyes. I knew that this was going to be my experience for however long.

John 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh when no man can work. 5 As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world. 6 When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay, 7 And said unto him, Go, wash in the pool of Siloam, (which is by interpretation, sent. He went his way therefore and washed, and came seeing.

So my journey started with some very important instructions from the Lord. Had I expected this to come into my life? No, not at all. In fact, when this began, my lifelong friend had just signed up for Andrew Wommack’s Healing college course. She had been feeling the call in her life to do this for a very long time. Never did either of us foresee me being one of the first people she would walk through a need of healing with. But we were in it.

One day after I was home from my first hospitalization, and talking to Teresa, I was curious about all the ways that Jesus healed. One of the major understandings about healing is found in Isaiah.

Isaiah 53:5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes, we are healed.

That healing is already ours from the Cross is a fact. We were healed by the stripes of Jesus. It’s not a maybe, or he might heal us, it’s that we ARE healed. This can mean a lot of different things to many people. But I wanted to see for myself where I would fall into the line of faith. I thought about the woman with the issue of blood first.

Matthew 9: 20 And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment: 21 For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. 22 But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

But as I searched out the many healings, I realized that the Centurion whose servant was ill was even more profound than I thought.

Matthew 8: 5 And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him, 6 And saying, Lord, my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented. 7 And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him. 8 The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed. 9 For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me: and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it. 10 When Jesus heard it, he marveled and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.

I thought about my faith. Did I have the faith to simply say to the Lord, just speak the Word and I’m healed? I knew inside of me that I could not say that. Especially, because I had already heard Him instruct me to go “wash” just as he did to the blind man. I knew that I was going to have to trust and be medically treated. I didn’t see at that time what all that would entail. I was not only on a physical journey but one of a spiritual nature as well.

Let me emphasize here one thing that is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. God didn’t strike me with cancer to teach me anything. That is in complete opposition to the Word. Many people think that these things that come upon us are Heaven-sent. I am not one of those people. We live in a sinful broken world and are all subject to life. I never questioned how or why this came into my life. It had and I was determined to walk through it believing that I was already healed and if God so granted me any further understanding then that would be a plus.

So, let’s start there.

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. The morning of my first doctor visit after the doctor gave me her understanding of what that would mean to my life, I gave her mine. I told her that I was going to be a success story. I had no doubt in my mind that I would walk away from this healed. I didn’t go into great detail as to why I believed this because I could already see that I was dealing with a doctor who was going to depend on her medical understanding and to give her any of my faith-filled words was going to fall on deaf ears. My understanding and Teresa’s was all that I needed at that time.

Along with having Teresa as my prayer of agreement partner, I had the love and strength of my wonderful son. He was also going to be an important part of my recovery team. But he and I had to start out on a different foot. He’s been a Christian since his youth but over the years his faith has been tested by the cares of the world. One of the first conversations we had together was once I got home. I asked him what was the most important thing he needed from me. He said, “Mom, I can’t deal with the spiritual part of this with you. You and Teresa are going to have to do that. I just can’t right now.”

I understood him. He knows that his mother lives by faith and he was starting from an empty tank in his own life and was already mad at God for even letting this happen to his mother. I also understood that had I refused to go get the medical help that he would never understand and would be devastated. But thankfully, God had already settled that for me by giving me the scriptures I was to keep tucked in my heart and follow.

So, in July of 2022, my journey started. I hope you will come back and follow along with me as I unfold to date where this journey has led me.

I bless you.

 

 

 

 

This TITLE is meant to catch your eye.

High time I came back to Brook of the Willows myself.

It’s been quite a while since I came here to post my thoughts. I have been on a personal health journey that I will explain soon but for today this is what I want to share. Let’s start with a Word in Ephesians.

Ephesians 1:1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus: 2 Grace be to you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: 4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: KJV

Over the last few months, I have been learning how to really take in the Word of God. I’ve learned that it has to be digested. The Word can become like a good satisfying meal if we take the time to savor it.

The Word also says in, Psalm 34: 8 Oh taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Just like I hope you would not rush through a wonderful meal, I hope you’ll linger here awhile with me. Paul became chosen by God on the road to Damascus. It changed his entire life. A life he never went back to. A life so changed that he wrote much of the New Testament that today you and I can receive so much benefit from. Isn’t it amazing that a man who was so against Christians became such a source of Christian encouragement?

He starts by offering the Ephesians a place to begin. Grace and Peace from God the Father and Jesus. That’s where I want to start today for you. All of us need Grace and Peace spoken over our lives. We are living in a world where that is in short supply. So much chaos and bad news confront our lives every day. Not to mention what each of us faces personally. That’s why here at Brook of the Willows, I want it to be a place you will want to come for a “time out” from whatever is shaking your life. Let your mind settle in right now for a minute by taking a deep breath and receive that Peace. Whatever is demanding your time and attention can wait for a few minutes while you relax here.

Good.

Now let’s read together what Paul has to say next.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ.

My goodness. It’s like opening a gift on Christmas morning! We have been blessed by God with ALL spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ. If you know the Lord then you know that where He is so are we. We are in Him and He is in us. Which means that we live in a Heavenly place. A place where all blessings are available to us. Have you ever thought about that? What are those blessings? Well, we know that Grace and Peace are two of them. Rest, Love, Comfort of the Holy Spirit, Kindness, Joy; the list goes on. The problem for most of us is that we either don’t know what is available to us or we don’t stop long enough to enjoy what has been given to us.

Oh, if we would only come to know God for who He really is! How much He longs to have a personal and intimate relationship with each of us. To understand how much He wants to walk with us every day. To share in every aspect of our lives. To bless us, strengthen us, encourage us, and listen to the cries of our hearts. I don’t know about you, but one of the things my life has always desired was to “be chosen.” Here Paul is telling each of us that we HAVE been chosen. Not by another person, but by God Himself!

4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world,

Before each of us was ever born, God said, “I choose Sue. I choose (put in your own name.)” Think about that for a minute.

You and I were going to come into this world not by chance but by choice. There are no accidental births. God wanted you and me here.

I don’t think we give enough thought to the miracle of birth. No matter under what circumstances, each of us should be seen as a person that God designed and sent here for a purpose. But let’s not stop there. There is more Paul has to tell us.

that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

All of this Word is blessing me as I write it but this especially. I was raised by someone who didn’t think my life certainly seemed holy or without blame to him. In fact, just the opposite. There was no love. Maybe you know too what it feels like to just be tolerated. To not have any words of kindness or acceptance ever spoken to you. At times I felt more like a nuisance. When our childhood starts out that way it often gets carried into our adult life. We end up searching for something or someone to make our lives have meaning. To be shown some Grace, to have some Peace, to feel chosen, and certainly to feel Loved.

Well, if you are someone who has found your way here to Brook of the Willows, then you just found that some One who can give you all that.

God.

Maybe you came here by accident. Maybe you weren’t thinking about God at all. But just maybe you should while you are here. I would hope that at some time in your life someone has said, “God loves you.” to you. If not, I’m saying it to you today.

I hope you’ll spend some time here thinking about what you have just read and even more, carry it off with you. These words are not just for my life today, (although I need them too) they were meant for you to share in also.

You are so precious to God. He longs for you to come to Him. To have a real relationship with Him.

Stay awhile and come back again.

I bless you.